Not tooting my own horn, not calling myself brave - I am not afraid. Why? Life is friggin scary. Anyone i love could die at any moment. I could die, or worse. My cousin lost his legs to diabetes, my aunt lost her leg and breasts to cancer, my relatives all seem to fall over dead without warning.
Besides that, work. Finding work, securing work, doing work - the maintenance of work you DO find. This is all unsure and fleeting. All things fleeting, from the value of the dollar to life itself.
Why am i not afraid?
When i couldn’t keep up with schoolwork, i tried my best but it wasn’t good enough. How did i graduate?
How did i even PAY for college to begin with? I’m so friggin poor lol How and why did i get a few completely random “scholarships” i didn’t even sign up for?
When i couldn’t find a job, no matter how many applications i put out, i got one at my lowest point. When i desperately wanted a different job in a 3 month timespan (or i would be sent back to sea), how did i find one?
When i was in need of a car, how did i stumble upon one AND sell my old one at the price i wanted - that day!?
How how how why why why how and why? lol
How can i laugh when there is little to laugh about? I can do all these things because of GOD. There, i said it, i’m a friggin radical.
But God has truly taken care of me. Sometime i feel like the woman with her hand in the jar, reaching and always receiving enough that she and her family needs. Sometimes i feel like the rich guy who struts up to Jesus and is like “i do everything right. now what?” and Christ is like “sell all your belongings and follow me” and the guy slumps away sad (even though i toooootally don’t do everything right, people can still feel righteous when they’re not).
I am not afraid because God has gone before me and prepared a path for me. He walks beside me and protects my back. God is everywhere around me, dwelling within me, and He works all things out for good - even seriously bad things. I know not to fear because nothing and no one is scarier or greater than God and i’m on His team.
Scripture reference: 1 Kings 17:7-24; Mark 10:17-31; Jer 29:11